Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
