I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
