How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
