Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
