Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
