don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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