last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
