well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
