I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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