i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
