I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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