You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
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She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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