Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
