So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
