I wish I could punch you in the face.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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