I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
