Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
