It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
