My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sponge bath it is.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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