Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
