So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
