woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
