We're like a lot better than the average bears
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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