One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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