I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
