Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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