Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
