can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
