I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
