Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
