whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I forget how to act sober
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
