i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
