I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
