The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
