Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
