I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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