1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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