getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
