I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
