I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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