i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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