fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
