Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
