The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What a dumb baby whore.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
