I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
