I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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