Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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