Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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