drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
