Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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