ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
