I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
