just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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