3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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