My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
