nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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