just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
