So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
