Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
