Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
