You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.