I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.