Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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