my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
