Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
