the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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