I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
