I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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