I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
