i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
