woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
