have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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