If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
