I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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