It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
