why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
