I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
