Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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