I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
