ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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