In America we eat man semen.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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