someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wear drunk well.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
