come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
