i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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