She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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