Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
