Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
