I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i dont even know how to be here
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
